Jealousy is a natural emotion that I’m sure everyone has experienced. It’s present in all cultures and affects people of every age and background.
It even affects wild animals and is not solely linked to humans. In this article I’ll be going over some ways that you can stop being a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend.
Jealousy can present itself in many situations like children being jealous of their sibling getting a new toy to being jealous of someone who’s gotten into a relationship with your crush. Usually, we get jealous because of some kind of insecurity in our life.
When jealousy is present in a relationship, it can obviously be very destructive. It moves you to think the worst of your partner and pushes you down a very anxious and uneasy path.
What is Jealousy?
A popular misconception about jealousy is that it is the same as envy. In fact, the feeling of envy refers to wanting something that someone else has, such as a fast car or a house in the Hamptons. Jealousy, however, is more aptly described as the fear of losing something (a lover, promotion, friend, etc.) to someone else.How Jealousy Works – ALIA HOYT | howstuffworks
Jealousy is distinguished from envy in that jealousy always involves a third party seen as a rival for affection or attention. Envy occurs between only two people and is best summed up as, “I want what you have.”…
…Although jealousy is a painful emotional experience, evolutionary psychologists regard it not as an emotion to be suppressed but as one to heed—as a signal, or a wake-up call that a valued relationship is in danger and that steps need to be taken to regain the affection of one’s mate or friend. As a result, jealousy is seen as a necessary emotion, because it preserves social bonds. It motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain important relationships.Jealousy | Psychology Today
How Jealousy Affects Your Relationship
Jealous behavior can be extremely harmful to a relationship. At best the jealous partner is needy and constantly looking for reassurance that they are the only one and that no one is a threat to replace them. At its worst jealously can manifest in controlling and distrustful behavior, and even physical or emotional abuse.
A jealous partner may try to control the actions of their partner, checking up on their whereabouts or monitoring their calls, texts or emails. This behavior sets up a pattern of distrust that is unhealthy and will eventually cause a relationship to collapse.
The foundation of any healthy and happy relationship is trust and respect. A person struggling with jealousy is unable to trust the person they are with or show respect for them as an individual or their boundaries.
The Poisonous Effect of Jealousy on Your Relationship – Kurt Smith, Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC, AFC | PsychCentral
Overtime this behavior will destroy the feelings of love and affection that once existed. It will also likely cause repeated arguing and a need for one partner to prove themselves and their loyalty over and over again. This can be exhausting and prevent a relationship from growing and establishing a solid foundation.
Ways to Stop Being Jealous
1. Be honest about it
I’ve found that the best way to deal with jealousy in a relationship is to just be honest about it. If you’re having doubts, let your partner know so that they can weigh in on the situation. It won’t do you any good to brood over negative thoughts.
Even if you feel like your partner is hiding something from you, it won’t take anything away from you if you ask them. If they lie to you about secretly having a secret relationship with someone, at least you’ll know that they’re not a trustworthy person.
In the event that they do actually lie to you and you find out about it, that’s your queue to leave end the relationship and move on.
Sometimes you just have to take a huge leap of faith and completely trust your partner despite all of the jealousy. In a relationship, you should be in it all the way or not at all. Being caught in between trusting your partner and doubting them is a quick way to ruin your relationship.
Having a strong relationship with your partner requires the both of you be on the same page. You need to be willing to open up and talk to your partner about your vulnerabilities and insecurities.
If you can’t even talk to them when you’re unsure about your emotions, I think you’d probably be best off without that person anyway.
2. Talk to a therapist
Another way to deal with jealousy is by talking to a professional. Regardless of whether you’re married or not, psychotherapy can be a lot of help in dealing with jealousy.
Crimes of passion that arise from jealousy are strewn all over the news. As social media makes it easier for us to lose touch with our partners, there has been a rapid growth in the number of reported murders due to jealousy and lust.
Psychotherapy is often an effective treatment for jealousy. A person who experiences jealousy might benefit from working with a therapist to process painful emotions and reframe negative, damaging thoughts that affect their behavior. A therapist may support someone who wishes to overcome jealousy…Overcome Jealousy | GoodTherapy
3. Understand that you might just be overreacting
It’s important to look at yourself and your actions critically in a non-judgemental way. Maybe you’re simply overreacting to your partner’s friendly nature with his peers.
Having come from a family that’s been torn apart by divorce, I understand that being cheated on hurts. However, most people aren’t as crappy as you think they are. Even if you feel like someone is making moves on your partner, that might just be how they normally are.
4. Hire a P.I.
If after all of that, you still haven’t found the peace you’re looking for, you can always hire a private investigator to look for things you might have missed. I personally know a few people who’ve gone down this route and have went on to find their spouse cheating on them.
While this can be considered a more drastic measure by some, if it gives you peace of mind, why not do it.
Communication and trust are absolute necessities if you want to have a strong and healthy relationship. Without them, every relationship will eventually just turn sour and become unstable.