I Hate My Parents | What Should I Do?

I Hate My Parents | What Should I Do?

While we would all love to have a supportive family with caring parents, unfortunately, that’s nothing but a dream to some of us. Right now, you might even feel like you completely hate your parents and want nothing more than to just cut ties with them and move on.

Or, maybe you don’t know how to react and are looking for advice.

Whichever situation you’re going through, let me try to shed some light on your hatred and what you can do about hating your parents.

If you feel like you’re alone or maybe you’re a weirdo because you hate your parents, I assure you that you’re not. Hundreds of thousands of people feel the same way that you do.

There are even people who hate their parents enough to seriously consider killing them. Many have even gone through with the idea and have actually killed their own parents. This is called Parricide.

While parricide is definitely not a new issue, it’s still just as serious of a problem as it always has been.

Why do I hate my parents?

Unfortunately, you’re really the only person who can truly answer why you hate your parents.

However, I can elaborate a little bit more on the topic of how you can react to your hatred towards your parents.

There are many different reasons for sons and daughters to hate their parents. Some develop feelings of hatred as a result of being abused. Others may not exactly hate their parents, but definitely feel that they don’t share the same level of love and appreciation that their parents have for them.

Here are a few possible causes for hating your parents:

  1. Different beliefs and values
    1. Many parents try to instill their beliefs and values onto their children. So, it can be easy to see how there can be many heated arguments and a lot of hurt feelings if you don’t see eye to eye. Take this post from a reddit user for example.
      1. “My brother came home and said he called a black boy the n word and my mom doesn’t even get on to him. She just says well that’s what they are. It drives me crazy because they’re all about Jesus and church but they act so different at home. They’re racist and emotionally abusive and manipulative…Ugh I just can’t stand it. Plus my brother gets shown favoritism. I don’t understand them. I do everything I can to stay out of trouble yet I come home and get yelled at. My brothers just like them. Maybe that’s my problem. I’m not like them. Ugh.” – amr1412 | reddit
  2. Developing identity
    1. As we grow older and become more exposed to different experiences, we also learn to create our own identity. This is sort of like a transformation of our mind and how we perceive our selves. While this can be attributed to puberty with many people, this can also happen well before and well after puberty.
      1. “It is dislike of bearing the identity of “child” that causes the young adolescent to reject cherished childish parts of themselves (interests, playthings, traditional activities), including younger ways of being with parents, so a more mature self can grow. From this loss, there is usually a self-esteem drop at this point that diminishes as a new “older” identity is grown.” – Developmental Dislike of Parents During Early AdolescenceCarl E Pickhardt | Psychology Today
  3. Being around the wrong people
    1. As I’m sure you know, we are shaped by the people we spend time with. If we hang around drunk angry people all the time, the likelihood of us becoming a drunk angry person as well is pretty high. If you’re surrounded by bad influences like people who are always in a bad mood and just couldn’t care less about other people, they could have rubbed off on you.

What can I do about how I hate my parents?

While doing my research on this topic, I came across an answer that completely expresses the way I think you should deal with your hatred. The answer is so well put that I find it would be a shame not to include it in this article.

The following quote is an answer on Quora by Mel Blumberg to “I hate my parents so much. What should I do?”. View the full thread here.

My Answer: Let go of it.

Hate is an all-consuming emotion that destroys those who hate as much as those who are hated. Emotions help us to make decisions, but then having made the decision, we need to let go of the emotion. For example, your parents may be bullies. They may lie, steal and cheat. They may be bigots and racists. You should hold these behaviors in contempt, and oppose them when you are able, or choose to exclude your parents from your life.

“Hating” is a bit like putting you car in “neutral” and racing the engine as fast as it will go. Eventually, it will explode, and you will have accomplished nothing worthwhile.

I am not talking about ignoring your parent’s behavior or forgiving it. There are indeed people in the world whose behavior is fundamentally evil and should be adamantly opposed, but hating them only makes your engine explode. Instead, put your car in gear and move on with your life.

Oppose their behavior where and how you can. Get them out of your life as completely and as soon as possible. Karma will eventually take care of them without your help. As a friend of mine is fond of saying, “The best revenge is living a good life.” Find your good life, and let these evil people slowly strangulate in the cesspool of evil and hate they have created for themselves.

Mel Blumberg, former Professor of Management at Penn State Harrisburg (1985-2017)

I just want to clarify that the “…out of your life as completely and as soon as possible.” mentioned near the end is referring to distancing yourself from your parents and cutting off communication with them as much as you can, not parricide.

Please don’t hurt any of your family members.

If you’d like to learn more about your anger, head over to my post on Why Am I So Angry?

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