Having gone through many years with anger issues, I know that along with anger comes a lot of added baggage. For me, the most unwelcome additions were confusion and disappointment.
The confusion came from not understanding why I was always on such a short fuse. The disappointment from feeling like my uncontrolled anger was something I’d never be able to control–or at least manage even a little bit.
If you’re experiencing something similar to what I used to, know that you definitely can learn to control your anger. You may not be able to master it overnight but it will happen if you give yourself time and a lot of TLC.
Why am I so angry?
Anger can come from any number of reasons that vary from person to person. Usually, anger is a result of a problem that needs to be adressed.
A leading cause of anger is a person’s environment. Stress, financial issues, abuse, poor social or familial situations, and overwhelming requirements on your time and energy can all contribute to the formation of anger… Genetics and your body’s ability to deal with certain chemicals and hormones also play a role in how you deal with anger; if your brain doesn’t react normally to serotonin, you might find it more difficult to manage your emotions.Anger Symptoms, Causes and Effects – PsychGuides.com
With so many different triggers for anger, no one in their right mind can say that they know all of the causes for anger and how to address them.
That being said, there are many causes for anger that the wide majority of people share like absolutely hating traffic. Some other common causes for anger that I’ve found are:
- Feeling humiliated
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Feeling tired
Aside from the different causes of anger, there are also many different reactions to it. Some people cry when they’re angry, commonly known as angry tears, while others might want to rant to someone they love.
How do I address my anger?
Over the many years that I’ve dealt with my anger issues, I found 10 main ways to address my anger.
- Be aware of you situation
- Move your body
- Take deep breaths
- Address the issue
- Talk to someone you trust
- Yell at the top your lungs
- Carry something that reminds you to be calm
- Entertain yourself
- Hug someone you love
- Consider consulting a professional
For more information on these 10 points, read my post on How to Control Anger | 10 tips on ANGER MANAGEMENT
Another way that I found to be a huge help in dealing with my short fuse was by having anger management quotes as my phone’s wallpaper. By having them on my lock screen, I was able to quickly calm down even when I was having some of my worst emotional breakdowns.
I’ve made several wallpaper ready quotes that you can use, have a look:
Is there a way to measure my anger? Maybe I have an anger disorder
Measuring things that are outside of the physical world, like our thoughts and emotions is very difficult and isn’t completely accurate. Mainly, it’s because they can’t be directly put into numbers and percentages like we can with money or like what percent your phone’s battery is at.
There can be many symptoms that people with diagnosed anger disorders have that you may feel you also have. However, this doesn’t directly mean that you have an anger disorder.
In the world of statistics, there’s a saying that goes “correlation does not equal causation“. Essentially this means that while some streams of data or, in our case, symptoms may overlap and look like there’s a direct cause and effect relationship, that isn’t always the case.
For example, just because you’re irritable when you’re angry, a common symptom for anger disorders like IED, doesn’t automatically mean you have an anger disorder. I don’t know a single person who isn’t irritable when they’re angry, do you?
Despite all that, there are anger management tests online. Some of these tests, like Psychology Today’s Anger Management Test – Abridged, can help you get a better understanding of your anger.
However, before you try any online tests, you should understand that they aren’t completely accurate and usually aren’t as comprehensive as an examination by a qualified professional. Don’t use online tests as any form of substitute for proper medical guidance. Use them only for information to understand more of what you’re going through.
Could my anger be something else?
It’s possible that what you’re feeling isn’t entirely anger. Most of my anger in the past wasn’t pure rage, a lot of the time, it was also mixed with other emotions like sadness, fear, and jealousy. But, because I didn’t know any better, I just thought it was anger.
Maybe it’s depression. “There seems to be a misunderstanding that depression is crying all of the time and not getting out of bed.” However, increased irritability is a common symptom, Hanks said.
Maybe it’s anxiety. “Individuals with high anxiety often feel on the verge of overwhelm because they have to work so hard to manage their own internal emotional state.” So when a challenging situation arises, you might be maxed out, which manifests as anger or a short fuse, she said.
Psychotherapist Rebecca Wong, LCSW, sees many individuals and couples who are angry because of relational issues. That is, they’re angry with their spouse, kids, parents, friends or coworkers. For instance, maybe they’re angry because they feel invisible or like they don’t matter, said Wong, founder of connectfulness counseling.
Angry All the Time for No Reason? This Might Be Why – Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. | PsychCentral
Maybe you expected your best friend to support you, but they didn’t. Maybe you expected your spouse to help out more around the house. “That’s where, if those buttons are pushed enough, often enough, you could flip into a state of anger without even knowing why.”
Can I really change?
Based on my experience, it’s definitely possible for even the worst people to change. But, not everyone will. Only the people who make the conscious decision to change themselves and ultimately act on that thought, will.
If you’ve read this far, I expect that you’re one of the people who will change for the better. For that, you have my support.
It will take a lot of time and patience but you can definitely do it.